Tell me how I’ll act according to my age? I’ve never been in this age before.I’m in my late 20’s; so am I suppose to act like Ms.prim and proper?. Shall I be grateful if they call me Ms.Prissy or Ms.Clumsy ?Kidding aside, I’m at the stage of my life where I feel like, I’m in a race where my foes are horses and I’m a turtle.But the good thing about me being the turtle is I’m enjoying every little step I’m making. I don’t mind winning the race, I’ll just go at my own speed. As long as I’m carrying my own sunshine and a pocket full of kindness and love; I know I won’t lost the sight of my path.
I’m one of those people who are suffering from this crisis. I admit it is a bit depressing but being in Christ is a big help, specially during those days when I don’t want to get up and face life, those days when my self-esteem had ebbed away; I believe these negative emotions are completely natural but sulking because of it? Is completely absurd, particularly if you’re a Christian. In times of difficulties you have to get up, kneel and pray, no matter how cast down you are. It is a big insult to Him if you worry too much about your future; It is not on the list of your job descriptions as a Christian.
So, I made a list of all the little things I’ve learned so far at this stage of my life:
1. Good thing awaits us, and just because it doesn’t show up any sign, that doesn’t mean it is not going to happen.
2. I’ve learned not to entertain emotions particularly negative emotions. It leads me nowhere.
3. I’ve also learned not to listen to the deafening sound of society. (I abstain from social media from time to time, I’m not into watching Teleserye’s or K-dramas, I’m not even an avid fan of any Filipino actors or actresses, call it boring but I call it peaceful) because it is so sad that the noise of these nonsensical things are so loud that we cannot barely hear God’s voice and our own voice anymore.
4. I also learned to look at my own clock rather than allowing someone to tell me the time; I have made a promise to myself that I will never let someone dictate me with what I need to do to my life just because they think it is time for me to do it (Particularly, decisions that would reallty make a great impact on my future). Instead, I will let them know that my clock works differently, no matter how slow it is, I am bound to follow it.
5. I have also developed the habit of finding the silver lining amidst the darkest cloud (Let me share one of my experiences, and this is one of the best so far. Here it goes, on my current job I literally work alone most of the time and I’m not really used to it. At first, I was wistful; I asked God ” Lord, I prayed for this job and you gave it to me. So, I thought it is a perfect job, you know that I lack experience on this. I’m clumsy and forgetful”. I feel like quitting during those times when fears started to creep in, because aside from that, there are things that doesn’t work accordingly: my friends got busy as well with their own life, I seldom see my brothers and sisters, and my parents live far thus I am literally alone most of the time. Then, I jokingly said to myself ” If this is what they call adulting, then please get me out of this” yet I gave in, I told God “Okay Lord I’ll trust you even if it doesn’t make sense to me” subsequently, I started to realize that maybe God is asking me to take time to listen to myself and examine my life. Indeed! Little did I know I began to realize that 90% of my past decisions are influenced by emotions: those emotions are fear of being left out, fear of being ridiculed, and fear of becoming a failure. I really felt like God is trying to isolate me. Thus, instead of fussing I have learned to embrace the situation, moreover the result was overwhelming: I found joy deep within, I found myself at peace, and for the past years of my life I have never felt so complete like this before.
6. I have learned my worth as a woman. Every day, we are bombarded by ideas on how we should look or how we should dress, gadgets that we should have and songs that we should like (TV ads, magazines, billboards or even our colleague can subtlety steal our confidence. It keeps whispering to us that our outward appearance isn’t enough that we have to look like those celebrities on TV’s. True liberation can only be experienced through acceptance of ourselves and knowing that we are very special in God’s eyes. He sees things on us that other people cannot.
7. I have learned to prioritize things that really matter. There are people who are complaining that their time isn’t enough, but it you try to do things that really matter then there will always be enough time for you. Thus, I thanked God for teaching me how to not complicate things and deal with life in the simplest way.
8. Lastly, I have learned not to take life for granted because life is so fragile; In a split-second any mishap can take your life right away. I always live with this philosophy “live by the present” because we never know what page of our life we are currently at; we may be on the last page of our story or may be on the page where the author, which is God have decided to put a twist on your story. We never know what awaits us but one thing I’m sure, if I cling to God, the ending of my story will be like this, …then she met her father in Heaven and live there happily ever after.
Ever since I was kid, writing has been my way of expressing my emotions. I used to write poems and essays; I could still vividly remember every time I get mad with my father I get a piece of paper, write everything I feel and give it to him then once he starts to read the letter I will run as fast as I could for I’m scared that he might scorn me. But basically I was wrong because instead of him scorning me, he commended me telling he was impressed how I expressed myself.
Many years have passed by but I still carry that habit of writing until today but instead of writing to my earthly father I am now writing letter to God which is my father in heaven.
Every time I put a letter on my mailbox I imagine that God reads the letter right away while sitting on His throne and just the thought of it makes me at bliss. I believe that God never sleeps nor slumber (Psalm 121:4), He will always have time to read my letters no matter how long it is or no matter how bad my handwriting is.
I know God already knows what’s inside my head before I wrote a single word but I know He still loves to hear it from me. So, when I write a letter, I make sure that I’m pouring out everything to Him whether it’s about the book that my friend borrowed or whether it’s about my pet, I wrote it for I know that He loves every single detail about me.
“Where’s the book that you borrowed to me?” I asked her one morning “I haven’t finished reading it” she replied blatantly ” You’re lucky that you have a lot of time” she also added, and I was about to say “did God give me 30 hours in one day and you just received 24 hours?” Good thing I watched my manner so I just laughed inside my head knowing that she is already a parent hence her time is totally different from mine.
This simple conversation made me realize that even if all of us has the same number of hours in one day still the speed of our clock varies according to our lifestyle. For most of us 24 hours or 1 day isn’t enough. In fact, I always heard people giving reason that they don’t have enough time to do all their work and this lack of time is causing them to feel disheartened. But God didn’t want us to feel this way, God isn’t unfair to give us a lot of tasks and won’t give us enough time. So, if you feel like God is giving you a lot of of baggage to carry then it is time for you to examine yourself profoundly because you might be doing things God doesn’t design you to do. God should be your priority, if you’re consuming the time He gave to you for things that doesn’t glorify him that’s the time that you feel like you’re running out of time.
I’ve read a lot of inspirational books and it taught me one thing, that I’m in control of my destiny and I can get what I want. My bad, I was fooled by this philosophy, I’ve wrestled with life for wordly things that I want but all I get was distress. You know how it feels when you worked hard for something and you still don’t get it. It is frustrating.
I got sick and tired of fighting for things that really don’t matter. Thus, I stopped fighting and allowed God to fight for me. I trust my intuition that I’m not good enough and I will never be good enough without Him. I’ve accepted that I’m not capable of accomplishing anything without His help.
From that day I no longer wrestled with life for my dreams I just allowed the wind to carry me and every time tribulation comes I just look up and say ” God I cannot do this”
Psalm 44: 6-7
This may sound a cliché but If there’s really a time machine I would love to go back to our childhood days, not to change anything but to experience that feeling again.
That day when we’re so busy playing paper dolls; the day when we don’t have a hunch of our future. We just got too occupied of what games we should play next. The day when we feel so rich because our pocket was full of candy wrapper. We even built our own castle and built our own little houses.
The day when we all have the time to catch raindrops in our hands. And when a lightning bolt flashed through the sky followed by rumbling thunder; we know exactly that it is time to run into our mother’s arms. That was also the day when instead of climbing dreams were climbing trees
That day when everything seems magical; we have believed that there’s a castle at the end of the rainbow. We have believed that wishing upon a shooting star can make our dreams come true. We have chased dragonflies and butterflies; hoped one day we could fly. During night time we always ended up amazed by how the stars lit the night sky and how the fireflies lit the trees in our backyard.
Can you imagine how time have changed us so much?Remember, when were kids we had our own time. We drew an imaginary watch in our wrist using pen and have set our own time.
As we age, we put barriers. We separate ourselves through our status We put so many inhibitions; we built an imaginary fence, we are always bounded by time and by people’s approval. Can you remember the last time you sleep but didn’t set the alarm? And when was the last time you played in the rain? Too bad! As we grow old we are missing so much about life that we used to enjoy when we were kids, nevertheless we can’t blame our age so we have to deal with it and hope that one day we could have a childlike time.
I know we could still do those things, but I’m not sure if it gives us the same feelings that we had before. I know it’s impossible to bring those good old days,
but I can’t wait to sit on my rocking chair while sharing those memories to my grandchildren.